Monthly Archives: February 2016

Vision and Values

As my business model has evolved into a part-time online ministry, a clear vision and cherished set of values has emerged. Since you’re following me, it’s only fair you know what my ministry is all about. I’m bold enough to claim the promises of God and set my sights on making a significant contribution to the world. We all have a ripple impact and I want mine to be as positive as possible. The workplace is my mission field and for the first time in my life, I don’t just feel appointed, I feel anointed for this honored task.

 

My vision is nothing less than:

  • Saving lives
  • Restoring health
  • Healing marriages
  • Preventing child and animal abuse
  • Bringing people back to God
  • Freeing people from the oppression of bad workplaces
  • Helping people break strongholds and bondages in their life
  • Equipping people to fulfill their purpose, find inner peace, and become an asset to their families and communities

 

My values are:

  • Relentless passion to connect people with a positive message
  • Providing meaningful opportunities for engagement
  • Unwavering respect
  • Impeccable integrity
  • Spirit-led decision making
  • First-class leadership
  • Unceasing maturity
  • Deep love of people and compassion for their individual stories
  • Multi-dimensional health and wholeness
  • Being an awesome steward of the trust people place in me
  • Giving back to the community

 

I think we’re off to a great start!

By |2017-02-22T15:21:51-06:00February 14th, 2016|Uncategorized|Comments Off on Vision and Values

The Five Categories of Troubled Co-Workers/Leaders

We need to make an important distinction between acute, temporary issues and dysfunctional ways of dealing with life. Everyone has a stress threshold. We all have a point at which the situation we are facing exceeds our resources for coping with it. Someone facing difficult circumstances is not defined as a troubled individual. That is a stressed individual. People who are temporarily overwhelmed are typically not toxic. People with chronically entrenched maladaptive ways of navigating the world are almost always toxic. When you are trying to figure out what’s going on with someone, this is an incredibly important distinction to make.

 

There are many kinds of acute stress. Loss of a loved one, marital struggles, financial problems, health issues, and other unavoidable aspects of being human can weigh any of us down. Take a good look at the history of the individual, especially within the context you share with them. If they have always been respectful and professional, and suddenly they seem easily irritated and difficult to talk to, that’s a sign of an acute stress of some kind. It doesn’t matter if you ever know what the stressor is. What does matter is that you realize that you are dealing with someone who is temporarily overwhelmed. Reach out to them if that makes sense for you and just let them know you care. Then support them while they resolve their situation and return to their normal, dependable behavior. You can offer support in a number of ways, depending on the individual and your relationship with them. They may just need someone to talk to so that they can share their burdens, or they may need advice on things that could help with their stress, such as marijuana (in which case, you could show them https://www.canadacannabisdispensary.co/product-category/thc-e-juice/). Some people may not want your help at all, but knowing you care could be enough.

 

There is one category of troubled individual that is also not necessarily toxic. People struggling with mental health challenges may be otherwise well adjusted individuals. What’s important to identify is whether or not the person is having issues in just one area, or if their problematic behavior is pervasive across environments. The difference looks like this. Someone may have trouble communicating in situations at work that have an element of pressure to them. For example, a person may become uncharacteristically defensive if they are unexpectedly criticized or corrected in a meeting full of other people. In that situation, the person has been triggered to act in ways that don’t represent their norm. That behavior cannot be considered toxic. It is explainable, is causing an issue in just that one area, and can be handled effectively through coaching/mentoring.

 

Isolated situations in just one area are in sharp contrast to someone who is having the same problem in every aspect of their life. Take the scenario of the work meeting. The toxic person isn’t triggered to react unusually, they disrupt the meeting with the same defensiveness and aggression they normally display at work, at home, and out in the community. Their behavior is dysfunctional no matter who they are with or what setting they are in. Moderating and correcting their behavior requires professional treatment. Getting help requires self-awareness, which this type of individual often lacks. They think the problem is everyone else, and fail to see that they have the same type of issues everywhere they go.

 

Toxic people have behavior that is distinctly abnormal on an ongoing basis. Despite all the other people or outside circumstances they blame, their toxicity can be traced to what is wrong within them. These types of people are notorious for what is called projection. That means they literally pretend that the other person is doing the behavior that’s wrong, not them. This is a highly destructive mind game they deliberately play to cause damage to their targets. In the worst cases, the perpetrators act like they are the victims. They manipulate situations and perceptions to evade responsibility. They typically refuse to even acknowledge the reality of the situation. These types of individuals are not just dysfunctional, they are dangerous.

 

After you have taken a good look at whether or not the special situations of acute stress and/or mental health problems might be in play, there are four other categories of trouble that are invariably going to cause toxicity in the work environment. In these categories, the problem is also pervasive across environments and it doesn’t just disrupt a workplace, it can destroy it. The categories are: addiction, criminal activity, drama stagers, and immaturity. These issues are so important that we are going to take them one at a time in the weeks to come. Until then, be safe, be healthy, and be strong!

By |2017-02-22T15:25:40-06:00February 9th, 2016|Uncategorized|Comments Off on The Five Categories of Troubled Co-Workers/Leaders

Categories of Troubled Co-Workers / Leaders: #4 Drama Stagers

For those of you who have not yet read the work of Dr. Alan Godwin, I highly recommend his book “How to Solve Your People Problems” (published 2011, dralangodwin.com). Dr. Godwin teaches us skills for dealing with people who truly do have a bad intention towards others, or who are simply so wrapped up in themselves they do not care what the impact of their behavior is. His work goes way beyond dealing with difficult people, and is an invaluable addition to the resources available to help with our toughest situations. You can read Dr. Godwin’s work for the details, but for now I am going to add my contribution to the conversation he so eloquently started.

 

Drama stagers create particularly crazy making environments. Their behavior differs from people who grew up in addicted families. When adult children learn the telltale signs of how their addicted family impacted them, their life suddenly makes sense in a brand new way. They are generally grateful for the information and strive to overcome the effects of the past. For them, there was always a sense of something being not quite right but never really being able to figure out what it was, or why life wasn’t working for them. It is a relief to realize the problems can be fixed.

 

Drama stagers however, are well aware of their behavior and they coldly calculate using it to gain an advantage at the expense of those around them. They may have grown up in an addicted family, they may have grown up in a healthy family. They may have an addiction issue, they may not. They may or may not have mental health issues. Whatever their background is, the defining characteristic of these people is that they choose to continue acting in destructive ways because of the benefits it provides them.

 

Drama stagers can be merciless and have no problem sacrificing other people and what is important to them. These folks have an inflexible narrative about themselves and the world. They will do anything to preserve, protect, and defend that narrative. They constantly scan for threats, challenges, or violations of their narrative. They also assign the rest of us roles to play in their drama. We are almost always unaware of our role, but still get punished when we don’t play our part.

 

If you have more than one drama stager in the work environment, and their narratives serve one another’s purposes, then you’ll see even bigger and more chaotic scenes play out. In order to keep the drama going and keep everyone in an uproar so the focus is deflected from their own bad behavior, drama stagers attack people not problems. A lot of healthy people make the mistake of thinking that if they just solve whatever the drama stager is screaming about, it will fix things and there will be no more drama. Drama stagers exploit healthy individual’s kindness and other values. Drama stagers don’t want things to be fixed. They want their narrative to be reinforced. Spinning people in circles is the point. Actually fixing things is not. Drama stagers are weapons of mass disruption in the work environment, creating upheaval where there had been none before. Work is a theater for them, a stage upon which their emotional needs can be fed. Actually earning their paycheck and being a productive member of the work society is the furthest thing from their mind.

 

Next week we will take a look at the fifth and final major category of troubled co-workers / leaders: immaturity. Until then, be safe and stay strong!

By |2017-02-22T15:27:23-06:00February 6th, 2016|Uncategorized|Comments Off on Categories of Troubled Co-Workers / Leaders: #4 Drama Stagers
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