Yearly Archives: 2017

Hi everyone,

Welcome to the leadership series! Whether you are aspiring to your first leadership position, inspired to step up your game to an advanced or elite level, or even if you are a leader who has messed up so bad your career is all but over, this series will have something of value for you. As always, I am not a guru. You are the expert on your own situation, so trust your own gut and do your own best thinking. Take what you like in what I have to say, and jettison the rest. Let’s begin!

Leaders hold an awesome, sacred responsibility to achieve missions, grow teams, and develop individuals. You do not own your people, they are yours only for a time. Too many of our leadership colleagues are treating their organizations and teams as commodities in their quest for personal gain. Too many of them treat their people as discardable. The abuse or neglect of power carries grave consequences. Leaders are spiritually responsible for the impact they have on those under their command. Leaders who focus on anything other than improving themselves, the team, the organization, and ultimately the communities in which they operate will eventually have their choices come back to haunt them. We all reap what we sow, and the clock of accountability is ticking.

Leadership magnifies flaws. Too many of our leadership colleagues are running their teams like their dysfunctional families growing up. If leaders have not yet done the difficult work of intentionally clearing away the impact of whatever dysfunction they may have gone through, and the maladaptive coping skills they learned as a result, then it is likely they will repeat living room drama in the boardroom. It doesn’t have to be that way. Leaders who choose to put themselves through the necessary discomfort of a personal growth plan evolve into leaders who are a powerful, positive force to reckon with. Alternatively, leaders who choose to sacrifice their team on the altar of their own dysfunction will eventually encounter a rebellion that forces them to grow and evolve. If they’re lucky. The news tells us that some leaders don’t get a second chance. Some of them get fired. Some end up on the nightly news. Some end up behind bars. None of them emerge unscathed. Your mission will not succeed beyond the constraints created by the weakest leader on your roster.

Leaders my leaders, it’s time! Time to get real. Time to get serious. Time to protect those who are counting on you. Time to act with boldness and grow to the next level. Arise, and let your light shine!

Next week we’ll introduce the topics we’ll be studying for the next several months. Until then, be wise, be strategic, and stay on the grow. I’m praying for you!

I hope the toxic workplace blog series has provided you with some new tools for dealing with really tough work situations. Don’t ever give up. Keep fighting until you find something effective that helps you get your life back. You can make a difference, if not for your team or your organization, then at least for yourself and your family. Everyone deserves a safe, healthy, productive place to work.

If you’re interested in more information about how to apply the systematic approach to your particular situation, you can find the workbook on my website www.debhollandlcsw.com. It has a few different exercises that illustrate how to assess workplace problems. I also have a webinar on this same topic, where I go into more depth than I had time/space for in the blogs. You can find it here: https://app.webinarjam.net/register/34090/353c522c7a

No matter how bad your situation is right now, one thing is inevitable and that is it will change at some point. When and how lie largely in your hands now that you have the tools to gain the clarity and the power necessary to getting your life back. I admire your bravery in taking on the challenge, and I wish you well as you seek to be a difference maker.

Next up for the blogs: leadership!

Sometimes despite our best efforts to resolve, influence, or cope with toxic workplaces, the dysfunction doesn’t change. The constant negativity can lead to unhealthy amounts of stress. If you don’t deal with this stress, you may develop more serious conditions like high blood pressure. You might choose to deal with stress at the workplace in a number of different ways. A very popular way to deal with it is to use marijuana to calm yourself after a particularly hard day. However, if your workplace is so strict that it requires drug tests then you may want to look for the best flushers for weed so you aren’t put into an even more stressful situation if the test comes back positive. However, sometimes the best solution is to just remove yourself from the situation and find a more healthy working environment.

While most of the time you can suggest to your management that certain changes should be made or you can anonymously show your discontent in a pulse survey (look at the definition of employee pulse survey here if you’re not sure what it is), but this isn’t always the case. Sometimes the problems are too entrenched or widespread for there to be any hope of change in a timeframe that works for you. This strategy is last for a reason. The previous three strategies walk you through a process for discerning what the problems are and what you might be able to do about them. Based on that, you may have a realistic hope of change. But you may also conclude that there is not a realistic hope of change. It is incredibly important at that point to honor the expertise that you have about the situation. You know your workplace better than anyone. You also know yourself better than anyone. If there is no hope of the situation changing, and your best efforts to cope aren’t effective, then leaving is the last option. Leaving is not something to be taken lightly or impulsively. Especially if you have a family, walking off a job unless your safety is at imminent risk is not a wise decision. In today’s economy, you want to make sure that you have a new job before you quit the toxic one. Otherwise, you are just trading work stress for financial stress. If you’re wanting some help with writing a new resume with hopes of getting you out of the toxic job as quick as possible, you may want to try using resume writing advice from the likes of Cultivated Culture’s guide or others. By creating a solid resume, you stand a much better chance of receiving an interview to get the job. Of course, interviews can be equally as difficult as creating an appealing resume. However, with the help of websites like https://www.interviewskillsclinic.co.uk/, you should stand a good chance of impressing the employers in the interview stage, hopefully helping you to get a fresh start.

Once you have a new job, make a graceful exit. Remember that you are getting your life back. When you walk out that door for the last time, you leave the toxicity and dysfunction behind. That’s where you get your best revenge. Especially when aggressors pretend to be victims and have blamed you for the problems. That is a classic ploy of abusive people. Once you’re out that door, you will realize that the problem was never you. The craziness and the chaos stays at the old job site, and your peace and happiness come back. Just as importantly, when you go to work for someone healthy, you will realize the depth of how bad the toxic work environment really was. When you are treated professionally and with respect, you’ll finally have an excellent comparison point of the role work is supposed to play in our lives: getting paid to work together to achieve some kind of common goal, whether it is earning a profit or providing a service (or both). Work was never intended to destroy us. It was intended to lift all of us up into a higher standard of living, both as individuals and in our communities. It’s how we provide for our families. It’s how we make a contribution to the greater good. It’s how we provide each other with the products and services each of us need on a daily basis. It’s a place where all of us deserve to be safe. You can’t save anyone else by sacrificing yourself. Your safety matters. You matter. If you know it’s time to go, then talk with your family and formulate a good exit plan. Deal with any stress you still face by knowing that you are looking for another job or working on whatever your exit plan is. Focus on the fact that someday, when you no longer have to walk into a place that reeks of oppression and wasted potential, you truly will be free.

Next week we will wrap up the toxic workplaces topic and then move on to something new. In the meantime, know that I am rooting for you and praying for you to have wisdom and strength as you make these incredible important decisions about what comes next in your life. Peace!

As painful as this realization is, intensely challenging situations give us the opportunity to grow in ways we otherwise might not have. It doesn’t mean that we would choose them, or that we ignore the damage they are causing. It means shifting our perspective from feeling like we are stuck forever, to realizing that no matter how bad things are, we still have options and choices.

One of the most powerful choices we can make is to decide to become better not bitter. To choose to grow rather than give up or give in. When we walk into work each day committed to our own personal development, instead of waiting for the next bad thing to happen, it changes everything. The stress begins to fade away, and we feel better mentally and physically. The ripple effect on our life diminishes as we internalize less and less of the toxicity around us. This is not to say that we can ever perfectly resist the poison that others are trying to cram down our throats. It means that if we have a choice about whether or not to take that poison in, we don’t do it. That one skills alone holds massive power to protect us.

One of the best things you can do when you are stuck in a toxic environment is to emotionally detach from the people and disinvest in the place. The best gift detachment offers us is that we start to see other people and their nonsense really, really clearly. What felt like (and no doubt was) a personal attack, now becomes merely a messed up person shouting into the wind. The power of people and places to hurt us when we practice detachment drops to an entirely tolerable degree. They are stripped of their ability to throw us off track, to wound us, to stop our progress. When we refuse to play the dysfunctional roles or follow the dysfunctional rules that have been forced upon us, we rediscover the gift of ourselves, our lives, and our dreams for the future. We are oppressed no longer. We rejoin the whole human race rather than obsessing about how things are going with the few jerks in our lives. We have the energy to play with our kids again, to love our partners again, to reengage in life again. We may take up an entirely new path or shift our lives in a far better direction.

Here are some key ways to take action to minimize the negative impact of toxic workplaces and create something positive in their place:

• Develop new skills to deal with the work issues on a daily basis
• Make mental shifts that can help you gain a fresh perspective on your situation
• Find ways to strategically detach and disinvest
• Mange your own stress
• Refuse to do anything that makes the situation worse
• Restart activities you previously loved, or begin new ones, to regain a sense of yourself outside of the workplace

Next time we will begin discussing strategies for moving forward. Until then, know that I am praying for you and believing in you!

If you've assessed that a full or partial fix is not a realistic possibility, there are still things you can do to make the situation better for yourself. Rather than attempting to get the problems addressed, you can concentrate instead on finding ways to stop or minimize the impact the situation has on you. The primary way to do this is to detach. Learning how to let go of people and situations who either intend to harm you, or who knowingly and negligently allow you to be harmed, is your number one way to protect yourself. When you stop caring so much, what they try to do to you stops mattering so much. How do you do this? Step completely out of the chaos. If you aren't able to physically leave, then emotionally leave. What you'll quickly realize is that the problem wasn't you. The fighting and the drama continues on while you are now safely on the sidelines. That's because in toxic workplaces, the toxicity is never about anyone except for the toxic individuals and the way they choose to approach life. Typically, their bad behavior went on long before you, will go on long after you, and therefore you are not obligated to allow it to hurt you for even one more moment. Chances are excellent that the toxic people you are dealing with are also having very similar problems elsewhere in their life, because toxic isn't something they do, it's become who they are. These types of folks tend to have the same issues at work/school, home, in their families, and out in the community. Dysfunctional people cause havoc everywhere they go, and you do NOT owe them your well-being.

Other important strategies for weathering the storm and mitigating the damage the situation is having on you are:

• Don't do anything to make the problem worse
• Reengage in activities that mean something to you
• Reconnect with people who mean something to you
• Take excellent care of your physical health
• Find a safe place where you can completely decompress
• Love your family more than you hate your job
• Love your team more than you hate your job
• Find healthy support
• Pray or utilize other spiritual practices
• Prioritize your emotional health
• At the end of the bad days, dump out how you feel in a safe way and move on with the rest of your night
• Think seriously about what you want your future to be like and then take steps in that direction

Changing your own thinking, approach, or response will build an invaluable buffer zone in which you can find refuge. The backlash for this kind of strategy is minimal, because toxic people are rarely astute enough to recognize these kinds of subtle behavioral changes. You will be able to regain a lot of control over your own situation without them even realizing it. For the few that do realize it, their tactics will no longer work on you, and you'll still be much better off.

Next week we'll talk about strategies for what to do when resolving, influencing, or dealing with the problem aren't feasible or aren't effective. Until then, stay safe, stay strong, and know that I'm praying for you. God Bless!

Toxic workplaces are the worst. They bring your mood down and make you feel fed up with your job as soon as you arrive. And it can be hard to get out of a toxic workplace. Maybe your field of work doesn’t have many job offerings. Or maybe you want to be a writer but are still learning how to format a book and can’t quit to write full time yet. Or maybe you just don’t know where to go and feel stuck. No matter what your situation, you should always strive to make your workplace a better space.

Before we move on to figuring out how to minimize the impact, we need to take an honest look at whether or not we are contributing to making the problem worse. If we are impaired, have mental health issues we’re not addressing, are engaged in criminal activities, are drama stagers, or are simply immature, there is no question we must correct our own issues as part of the larger solution for the workplace. If that is your situation then you need to get help. Your workplace and your family will never be healthy or reach their potential if you have one of the issues listed above and aren’t doing anything to fix it. It is your responsibility to address and resolve those problems. But even for those of us who are already healthy and mature, it is important to make sure we are not inadvertently contributing to the problems in the work environment. Here are several key questions to ask ourselves:

• Am I reacting rather than responding to what is happening around me?
• Are there instances in which I take the bait and end up in a negative situation I didn’t instigate but didn’t walk away from either?
• Am I harboring any ill intent towards anyone at my workplace?
• Am I locked in battle with anyone at work?
• Have I tried to take revenge against anyone?
• Have I deliberately slacked off because I am upset?

One of the best things we can do is learn to respond rather than react. There are a lot of good resources out there for learning the skills for doing this, but the most basic and effective thing we can do is simply pause. Pausing buys us time to regain control of our emotions and our brain neurochemistry, and then we can think more clearly and decide how to handle the situation. We almost always have a better outcome if we stop and consider options first.

Another key aspect of not making problems worse is developing the ability to become an observer of the environment, rather than a victim within it. This means that you stay one step back to objectively see what is going on around you, rather than being right in the middle of the mess. This is a huge way to reclaim your own power rather than continuing to be at the mercy of people who do not have your best interest at heart. When you stay one step back, you can much more easily recognize people’s motives and the root causes of the problems. You’ll stop taking the bait when it is slung your way.

Another aspect of making sure you are part of the solution is not allowing yourself to harbor ill will, take revenge, or get locked into battle with anyone. These dynamics run in endless cycles and cause increasing damage along the way, especially to your own body, mind, and spirit. You already have to deal with enough stress hormones coursing through your body because of what is being done to you. Don’t compound that damage by willingly allowing those kinds of dark emotions and intentions to reside within you of your own accord. Acknowledge those feelings, then banish them and don’t act on them. Finally, don’t deliberately slack off, because all it does is hand your adversaries ammunition to use against you.

Regardless of whether the problems you are having at work are caused by others, are of your own making, or both, there are time tested options for getting effective help. Only you know what will work for you, what you can afford, what fits with your personality, and what will work for your life as it stands right now. If you try one method and it isn’t effective, that’s ok. Move on to another one until you find something that helps. Here are several resources that have helped other people just like yourself reclaim their lives and move forward:

• Counseling, especially EMDR for trauma
• 12 Step recovery groups
• Creating a wellness plan with your physician
• Talking with a pastor or priest
• Attending church
• Calling a suicide prevention hotline
• Finding a mentor
• Joining an accountability group
• Taking a vacation or a leave of absence
• Doing career testing to explore new directions you might like to go
• Taking excellent care of yourself in body, mind, and spirit
• Starting a new hobby or sport, or joining a gym
• Making time for what matters to you outside of work

Next time we’ll talk about an action plan to minimize the impact the work craziness is having on you. Until then, I’ll be praying for you!

If you are in a situation where you have assessed that a total fix is not possible, then you may still have hope of a partial resolution. You may still be able to significantly improve the problem for yourself, the team, the organization, and the community. Aspects of the problem will remain, but enough of it is fixed to allow a new and healthier chapter to begin. For example, if you have managers with multiple problems, you may not be able to resolve all of them specifically, but you may be able to get someone to rein in the bad behavior generally. That kind of an outcome still greatly improves the environment for the team, and puts accountability in place where there was none before. The backlash is much more likely to come from just that one person, but because they are being watched, they will only take it so far. Again, only you can determine if this is a wise option, and it should be done in consultation with your family. If you are a leader it should also be discussed with the most trusted members of your team. The strategy possibilities are the same as what can be attempted to resolve the problem in its entirety. The difference is realizing from the outset that you may not be able to correct the culture or systemic bad leadership, but you may still be able to put a stop to the worst behavior and rein in the most corrupt among them. Some possibilities are:

• Speaking directly with the problem individual to request or demand that the problem be resolved
• Reporting the problem to a trustworthy source
• Requesting alternative dispute resolution
• Filing a complaint in-house
• Filing a complaint outside the organization
• Filing action in a formal adversarial process
• Going to an oversight body
• Hiring an attorney
• Making a police report and/or involving law enforcement
• Going to Congress
• Going to the press

Next week we are going to take a look at what you can do if you assess that the problem cannot be even partially resolved. Until then, stay safe, stay strong, and know I'll be praying for you!

After you have determined what the problem is, the next step is to assess the impact it is having on you. Healthy, productive workplaces help people grow into their best professional and personal selves. Their ripple impact is excellent, with the benefits of a happy workplace spilling over into their employee’s relationships, family life, health, finances, and dreams outside the office. Everything is better because work is so good. Employees are able to relax, be well, and focus on the bigger picture of their life and what is important to them. They work hard, are rewarded for it, and enjoy the rest of their lives. Not enough workplaces in America today offer this kind of environment.

Bottom line, leadership isn’t doing their job protecting their people, accomplishing the organizational mission, or adding value to the community. There are either good leaders creating good places to work, or bad leaders who are at the root of the problem environments. In their most severe form, chaotic, toxic, crazy-making or other kinds of truly unhealthy work environments do a lot of damage to people, their lives, and their loved ones. Bad leaders eventually wear out even their very best employees. Vulnerable people are particularly hard hit by a bad leader’s misdeeds. Everyone in the middle experiences different degrees of stress, frustration, and damage. Stress and anxiety can affect a lot of employees in the workplace on a daily basis. If this sounds like you and you would like to be able to manage it, then it may be time to think about taking an alternative treatment. CBD oil has been very successful in patients suffering from stress and anxiety, you may want to give Wholesale CBD ago and see if it helps. Also, Kratom has been known to help reduce stress, anxiety, and depression so to find out more, you should check out Say No To Disease (saynotodisease.com) for further information.

This is a partial list of ways that bad leaders / toxic workplaces can negatively impact people. It is not an exhaustive list because negative environments and people affect each of us in different ways:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Anger
• Fear
• Stressed out
• Short tempered
• Easily aggravated
• Trouble sleeping
• Physical health issues
• Mental health issues
• Emotional issues
• Exhaustion
• Loss of self-esteem
• Loss of self-confidence
• Loss of hope
• Loss of faith in other people
• Losing the ability to function
• Overwhelmed by daily life tasks
• Giving up important activities
• Financial problems
• Difficulty trusting
• Tension with family or friends
• Trouble being around others
• Others are growing increasingly concerned
• Relationship / marriage problems

Be as honest as you can be about the toll the situation is taking on you. That’s the first step to protecting yourself and improving your circumstances. Until next time, keep the faith!

When you are setting a realistic goal for dealing with a toxic workplace, the ideal solution is to resolve the problem in its entirety. It may be more possible than you think to bring about change. It may also be more dangerous than you think. Especially in situations of corruption, you don't know how high up or how widespread the network of people benefiting from the wrongdoing is. You may see just one small part of a much larger problem. However, if the problem is relatively local, even if it's a bad problem, you are much more likely to find someone who has the authority and the willingness to fix it. Both are equally important. Many people have authority. Very few of them are willing to tackle the tough stuff. Some people are simply too emotionally lazy to do the hard work of authentic leadership and keeping people and missions safe and secure. Some people are so conflict averse that they refuse to do anything that may make anyone unhappy. Others view leadership as a popularity contest, always seeking to be the cool kid in the cafeteria, rather than doing the very adult work of making the difficult decisions and having those difficult conversations. Whatever the reason, figuring out in advance if there is someone – anyone – who possesses both the authority AND the willingness to address problems is the first critical step in your strategy.

Next you need to attempt to trace the problem back to its origin. How did it get started? When did it get started? Who is involved? How big is the problem? How bad is the situation? Is it part of a system that tolerates or facilitates wrongdoing? Or is it an anomaly in an otherwise excellent organization? The backlash for speaking up in a good organization is generally restricted to the problem individual being angry with you or trying to take action against you. Only they are losing the benefits of their misdeeds, and typically everyone else is happy to see the nonsense come to an end. But the backlash for speaking up in known corrupt organizations, or even in those with questionable integrity, can be severe. There may be a whole lot of people targeting you for as much damage as they can possibly inflict. Some of them go to the extent of lying or manufacturing “evidence” to try to destroy you, your livelihood, and your career. All that being said, if you're emotionally study enough for the fight, then sometimes the fight is still worth it. Only you can decide that, and those decisions must be made in consultation with your family. If you are in a leadership position, to the greatest extent possible, you should also consult with the trusted members of your team. The consequences can be just as dire for your family and your team as they are for you. But some fights are worth it, and if that's the case, here are some options for getting the issues addressed and fixed:

• Speaking directly with the problem individual to request or demand that the problem be resolved
• Reporting the problem to a trustworthy source
• Requesting alternative dispute resolution
• Filing a complaint in-house
• Filing a complaint outside the organization
• Filing action in a formal adversarial process
• Going to an oversight body
• Hiring an attorney
• Making a police report and/or involving law enforcement
• Going to Congress
• Going to the press

Next week we'll take a look at strategies for what to do if the situation can only be partially resolved. Until then, stay strong, stay safe, and know I'm praying for you!

We all know people who have simply not grown up. Perhaps they are lacking in skills, or perhaps it is their choice. Regardless of the reason, they cause plenty of chaos in the workplace because they do not handle themselves in a mature, professional manner. There are lots of behavioral variations on this theme, but the core similarity is that these people are stuck in a developmental age very different from their chronological age.

These are the types of people who ridicule others. They bolster their own egos by making fun of pretty much everybody. They can be easily spotted, huddled up in the back of the room whenever a meeting is going on, laughing, poking each other, making faces, and otherwise showing off for each other. They can also be found in the lunchroom, gossiping, talking trash, and bullying their co-workers. I call this the arm-fart stage of development. It is behavior that is typically found at the junior high level. What these self-appointed cool kids fail to realize is that their behavior is transparent. They are acting big and trying to make others feel small to cover up their own insecurities. Healthy people see that, and find arm-farts during grown-up business meetings to be pathetic rather than funny.

Immature people also throw temper tantrums. Their emotional management skills are at a toddler’s level of development. They routinely flip out over the most trivial matters. They become furious when larger problems arise, often lashing out at those who brought the issue to their attention. They are easily angered, and rage without constraint. This shows up as verbal abuse of others, slamming doors, throwing things, or a hundred other variations of childish behavior.

Immature people can also have adolescent style fits of rebelling and defying normal workplace protocols. Employees who are fixated on sexuality in an adolescent way are one example. They are the folks whose language is highly sexual in nature, and who twist just about anything that is said into having a sexual meaning, these types of employees could be found showing behavior such as sending video links from a site like tubev.sex or a similar one for example, and find it acceptable behavior in the work place. Another example is the employees who are deliberately loud and disruptive to their co-workers. They may refuse work assignments, slack off, whine, make excuses, and socialize rather than work. They take long breaks and lunches and expect everyone else to carry the load. They see work only as a paycheck, and are interested in doing the bare minimum necessary to keep it going. They treat professional workplaces like they are still at their first job at a fast food joint.

Next week we’ll take a look at the impact these types of dysfunctional individuals have on people in the workplace. Until then, I’ll be praying for you!