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As painful as this realization is, intensely challenging situations give us the opportunity to grow in ways we otherwise might not have. It doesn’t mean that we would choose them, or that we ignore the damage they are causing. It means shifting our perspective from feeling like we are stuck forever, to realizing that no matter how bad things are, we still have options and choices.

One of the most powerful choices we can make is to decide to become better not bitter. To choose to grow rather than give up or give in. When we walk into work each day committed to our own personal development, instead of waiting for the next bad thing to happen, it changes everything. The stress begins to fade away, and we feel better mentally and physically. The ripple effect on our life diminishes as we internalize less and less of the toxicity around us. This is not to say that we can ever perfectly resist the poison that others are trying to cram down our throats. It means that if we have a choice about whether or not to take that poison in, we don’t do it. That one skills alone holds massive power to protect us.

One of the best things you can do when you are stuck in a toxic environment is to emotionally detach from the people and disinvest in the place. The best gift detachment offers us is that we start to see other people and their nonsense really, really clearly. What felt like (and no doubt was) a personal attack, now becomes merely a messed up person shouting into the wind. The power of people and places to hurt us when we practice detachment drops to an entirely tolerable degree. They are stripped of their ability to throw us off track, to wound us, to stop our progress. When we refuse to play the dysfunctional roles or follow the dysfunctional rules that have been forced upon us, we rediscover the gift of ourselves, our lives, and our dreams for the future. We are oppressed no longer. We rejoin the whole human race rather than obsessing about how things are going with the few jerks in our lives. We have the energy to play with our kids again, to love our partners again, to reengage in life again. We may take up an entirely new path or shift our lives in a far better direction.

Here are some key ways to take action to minimize the negative impact of toxic workplaces and create something positive in their place:

• Develop new skills to deal with the work issues on a daily basis
• Make mental shifts that can help you gain a fresh perspective on your situation
• Find ways to strategically detach and disinvest
• Mange your own stress
• Refuse to do anything that makes the situation worse
• Restart activities you previously loved, or begin new ones, to regain a sense of yourself outside of the workplace

Next time we will begin discussing strategies for moving forward. Until then, know that I am praying for you and believing in you!

If you've assessed that a full or partial fix is not a realistic possibility, there are still things you can do to make the situation better for yourself. Rather than attempting to get the problems addressed, you can concentrate instead on finding ways to stop or minimize the impact the situation has on you. The primary way to do this is to detach. Learning how to let go of people and situations who either intend to harm you, or who knowingly and negligently allow you to be harmed, is your number one way to protect yourself. When you stop caring so much, what they try to do to you stops mattering so much. How do you do this? Step completely out of the chaos. If you aren't able to physically leave, then emotionally leave. What you'll quickly realize is that the problem wasn't you. The fighting and the drama continues on while you are now safely on the sidelines. That's because in toxic workplaces, the toxicity is never about anyone except for the toxic individuals and the way they choose to approach life. Typically, their bad behavior went on long before you, will go on long after you, and therefore you are not obligated to allow it to hurt you for even one more moment. Chances are excellent that the toxic people you are dealing with are also having very similar problems elsewhere in their life, because toxic isn't something they do, it's become who they are. These types of folks tend to have the same issues at work/school, home, in their families, and out in the community. Dysfunctional people cause havoc everywhere they go, and you do NOT owe them your well-being.

Other important strategies for weathering the storm and mitigating the damage the situation is having on you are:

• Don't do anything to make the problem worse
• Reengage in activities that mean something to you
• Reconnect with people who mean something to you
• Take excellent care of your physical health
• Find a safe place where you can completely decompress
• Love your family more than you hate your job
• Love your team more than you hate your job
• Find healthy support
• Pray or utilize other spiritual practices
• Prioritize your emotional health
• At the end of the bad days, dump out how you feel in a safe way and move on with the rest of your night
• Think seriously about what you want your future to be like and then take steps in that direction

Changing your own thinking, approach, or response will build an invaluable buffer zone in which you can find refuge. The backlash for this kind of strategy is minimal, because toxic people are rarely astute enough to recognize these kinds of subtle behavioral changes. You will be able to regain a lot of control over your own situation without them even realizing it. For the few that do realize it, their tactics will no longer work on you, and you'll still be much better off.

Next week we'll talk about strategies for what to do when resolving, influencing, or dealing with the problem aren't feasible or aren't effective. Until then, stay safe, stay strong, and know that I'm praying for you. God Bless!

Toxic workplaces are the worst. They bring your mood down and make you feel fed up with your job as soon as you arrive. And it can be hard to get out of a toxic workplace. Maybe your field of work doesn’t have many job offerings. Or maybe you want to be a writer but are still learning how to format a book and can’t quit to write full time yet. Or maybe you just don’t know where to go and feel stuck. No matter what your situation, you should always strive to make your workplace a better space.

Before we move on to figuring out how to minimize the impact, we need to take an honest look at whether or not we are contributing to making the problem worse. If we are impaired, have mental health issues we’re not addressing, are engaged in criminal activities, are drama stagers, or are simply immature, there is no question we must correct our own issues as part of the larger solution for the workplace. If that is your situation then you need to get help. Your workplace and your family will never be healthy or reach their potential if you have one of the issues listed above and aren’t doing anything to fix it. It is your responsibility to address and resolve those problems. But even for those of us who are already healthy and mature, it is important to make sure we are not inadvertently contributing to the problems in the work environment. Here are several key questions to ask ourselves:

• Am I reacting rather than responding to what is happening around me?
• Are there instances in which I take the bait and end up in a negative situation I didn’t instigate but didn’t walk away from either?
• Am I harboring any ill intent towards anyone at my workplace?
• Am I locked in battle with anyone at work?
• Have I tried to take revenge against anyone?
• Have I deliberately slacked off because I am upset?

One of the best things we can do is learn to respond rather than react. There are a lot of good resources out there for learning the skills for doing this, but the most basic and effective thing we can do is simply pause. Pausing buys us time to regain control of our emotions and our brain neurochemistry, and then we can think more clearly and decide how to handle the situation. We almost always have a better outcome if we stop and consider options first.

Another key aspect of not making problems worse is developing the ability to become an observer of the environment, rather than a victim within it. This means that you stay one step back to objectively see what is going on around you, rather than being right in the middle of the mess. This is a huge way to reclaim your own power rather than continuing to be at the mercy of people who do not have your best interest at heart. When you stay one step back, you can much more easily recognize people’s motives and the root causes of the problems. You’ll stop taking the bait when it is slung your way.

Another aspect of making sure you are part of the solution is not allowing yourself to harbor ill will, take revenge, or get locked into battle with anyone. These dynamics run in endless cycles and cause increasing damage along the way, especially to your own body, mind, and spirit. You already have to deal with enough stress hormones coursing through your body because of what is being done to you. Don’t compound that damage by willingly allowing those kinds of dark emotions and intentions to reside within you of your own accord. Acknowledge those feelings, then banish them and don’t act on them. Finally, don’t deliberately slack off, because all it does is hand your adversaries ammunition to use against you.

Regardless of whether the problems you are having at work are caused by others, are of your own making, or both, there are time tested options for getting effective help. Only you know what will work for you, what you can afford, what fits with your personality, and what will work for your life as it stands right now. If you try one method and it isn’t effective, that’s ok. Move on to another one until you find something that helps. Here are several resources that have helped other people just like yourself reclaim their lives and move forward:

• Counseling, especially EMDR for trauma
• 12 Step recovery groups
• Creating a wellness plan with your physician
• Talking with a pastor or priest
• Attending church
• Calling a suicide prevention hotline
• Finding a mentor
• Joining an accountability group
• Taking a vacation or a leave of absence
• Doing career testing to explore new directions you might like to go
• Taking excellent care of yourself in body, mind, and spirit
• Starting a new hobby or sport, or joining a gym
• Making time for what matters to you outside of work

Next time we’ll talk about an action plan to minimize the impact the work craziness is having on you. Until then, I’ll be praying for you!

If you are in a situation where you have assessed that a total fix is not possible, then you may still have hope of a partial resolution. You may still be able to significantly improve the problem for yourself, the team, the organization, and the community. Aspects of the problem will remain, but enough of it is fixed to allow a new and healthier chapter to begin. For example, if you have managers with multiple problems, you may not be able to resolve all of them specifically, but you may be able to get someone to rein in the bad behavior generally. That kind of an outcome still greatly improves the environment for the team, and puts accountability in place where there was none before. The backlash is much more likely to come from just that one person, but because they are being watched, they will only take it so far. Again, only you can determine if this is a wise option, and it should be done in consultation with your family. If you are a leader it should also be discussed with the most trusted members of your team. The strategy possibilities are the same as what can be attempted to resolve the problem in its entirety. The difference is realizing from the outset that you may not be able to correct the culture or systemic bad leadership, but you may still be able to put a stop to the worst behavior and rein in the most corrupt among them. Some possibilities are:

• Speaking directly with the problem individual to request or demand that the problem be resolved
• Reporting the problem to a trustworthy source
• Requesting alternative dispute resolution
• Filing a complaint in-house
• Filing a complaint outside the organization
• Filing action in a formal adversarial process
• Going to an oversight body
• Hiring an attorney
• Making a police report and/or involving law enforcement
• Going to Congress
• Going to the press

Next week we are going to take a look at what you can do if you assess that the problem cannot be even partially resolved. Until then, stay safe, stay strong, and know I'll be praying for you!

After you have determined what the problem is, the next step is to assess the impact it is having on you. Healthy, productive workplaces help people grow into their best professional and personal selves. Their ripple impact is excellent, with the benefits of a happy workplace spilling over into their employee’s relationships, family life, health, finances, and dreams outside the office. Everything is better because work is so good. Employees are able to relax, be well, and focus on the bigger picture of their life and what is important to them. They work hard, are rewarded for it, and enjoy the rest of their lives. Not enough workplaces in America today offer this kind of environment.

Bottom line, leadership isn’t doing their job protecting their people, accomplishing the organizational mission, or adding value to the community. There are either good leaders creating good places to work, or bad leaders who are at the root of the problem environments. In their most severe form, chaotic, toxic, crazy-making or other kinds of truly unhealthy work environments do a lot of damage to people, their lives, and their loved ones. Bad leaders eventually wear out even their very best employees. Vulnerable people are particularly hard hit by a bad leader’s misdeeds. Everyone in the middle experiences different degrees of stress, frustration, and damage. Stress and anxiety can affect a lot of employees in the workplace on a daily basis. If this sounds like you and you would like to be able to manage it, then it may be time to think about taking an alternative treatment. CBD oil has been very successful in patients suffering from stress and anxiety, you may want to give Wholesale CBD ago and see if it helps. Also, Kratom has been known to help reduce stress, anxiety, and depression so to find out more, you should check out Say No To Disease (saynotodisease.com) for further information.

This is a partial list of ways that bad leaders / toxic workplaces can negatively impact people. It is not an exhaustive list because negative environments and people affect each of us in different ways:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Anger
• Fear
• Stressed out
• Short tempered
• Easily aggravated
• Trouble sleeping
• Physical health issues
• Mental health issues
• Emotional issues
• Exhaustion
• Loss of self-esteem
• Loss of self-confidence
• Loss of hope
• Loss of faith in other people
• Losing the ability to function
• Overwhelmed by daily life tasks
• Giving up important activities
• Financial problems
• Difficulty trusting
• Tension with family or friends
• Trouble being around others
• Others are growing increasingly concerned
• Relationship / marriage problems

Be as honest as you can be about the toll the situation is taking on you. That’s the first step to protecting yourself and improving your circumstances. Until next time, keep the faith!

When you are setting a realistic goal for dealing with a toxic workplace, the ideal solution is to resolve the problem in its entirety. It may be more possible than you think to bring about change. It may also be more dangerous than you think. Especially in situations of corruption, you don't know how high up or how widespread the network of people benefiting from the wrongdoing is. You may see just one small part of a much larger problem. However, if the problem is relatively local, even if it's a bad problem, you are much more likely to find someone who has the authority and the willingness to fix it. Both are equally important. Many people have authority. Very few of them are willing to tackle the tough stuff. Some people are simply too emotionally lazy to do the hard work of authentic leadership and keeping people and missions safe and secure. Some people are so conflict averse that they refuse to do anything that may make anyone unhappy. Others view leadership as a popularity contest, always seeking to be the cool kid in the cafeteria, rather than doing the very adult work of making the difficult decisions and having those difficult conversations. Whatever the reason, figuring out in advance if there is someone – anyone – who possesses both the authority AND the willingness to address problems is the first critical step in your strategy.

Next you need to attempt to trace the problem back to its origin. How did it get started? When did it get started? Who is involved? How big is the problem? How bad is the situation? Is it part of a system that tolerates or facilitates wrongdoing? Or is it an anomaly in an otherwise excellent organization? The backlash for speaking up in a good organization is generally restricted to the problem individual being angry with you or trying to take action against you. Only they are losing the benefits of their misdeeds, and typically everyone else is happy to see the nonsense come to an end. But the backlash for speaking up in known corrupt organizations, or even in those with questionable integrity, can be severe. There may be a whole lot of people targeting you for as much damage as they can possibly inflict. Some of them go to the extent of lying or manufacturing “evidence” to try to destroy you, your livelihood, and your career. All that being said, if you're emotionally study enough for the fight, then sometimes the fight is still worth it. Only you can decide that, and those decisions must be made in consultation with your family. If you are in a leadership position, to the greatest extent possible, you should also consult with the trusted members of your team. The consequences can be just as dire for your family and your team as they are for you. But some fights are worth it, and if that's the case, here are some options for getting the issues addressed and fixed:

• Speaking directly with the problem individual to request or demand that the problem be resolved
• Reporting the problem to a trustworthy source
• Requesting alternative dispute resolution
• Filing a complaint in-house
• Filing a complaint outside the organization
• Filing action in a formal adversarial process
• Going to an oversight body
• Hiring an attorney
• Making a police report and/or involving law enforcement
• Going to Congress
• Going to the press

Next week we'll take a look at strategies for what to do if the situation can only be partially resolved. Until then, stay strong, stay safe, and know I'm praying for you!

We all know people who have simply not grown up. Perhaps they are lacking in skills, or perhaps it is their choice. Regardless of the reason, they cause plenty of chaos in the workplace because they do not handle themselves in a mature, professional manner. There are lots of behavioral variations on this theme, but the core similarity is that these people are stuck in a developmental age very different from their chronological age.

These are the types of people who ridicule others. They bolster their own egos by making fun of pretty much everybody. They can be easily spotted, huddled up in the back of the room whenever a meeting is going on, laughing, poking each other, making faces, and otherwise showing off for each other. They can also be found in the lunchroom, gossiping, talking trash, and bullying their co-workers. I call this the arm-fart stage of development. It is behavior that is typically found at the junior high level. What these self-appointed cool kids fail to realize is that their behavior is transparent. They are acting big and trying to make others feel small to cover up their own insecurities. Healthy people see that, and find arm-farts during grown-up business meetings to be pathetic rather than funny.

Immature people also throw temper tantrums. Their emotional management skills are at a toddler’s level of development. They routinely flip out over the most trivial matters. They become furious when larger problems arise, often lashing out at those who brought the issue to their attention. They are easily angered, and rage without constraint. This shows up as verbal abuse of others, slamming doors, throwing things, or a hundred other variations of childish behavior.

Immature people can also have adolescent style fits of rebelling and defying normal workplace protocols. Employees who are fixated on sexuality in an adolescent way are one example. They are the folks whose language is highly sexual in nature, and who twist just about anything that is said into having a sexual meaning, these types of employees could be found showing behavior such as sending video links from a site like tubev.sex or a similar one for example, and find it acceptable behavior in the work place. Another example is the employees who are deliberately loud and disruptive to their co-workers. They may refuse work assignments, slack off, whine, make excuses, and socialize rather than work. They take long breaks and lunches and expect everyone else to carry the load. They see work only as a paycheck, and are interested in doing the bare minimum necessary to keep it going. They treat professional workplaces like they are still at their first job at a fast food joint.

Next week we’ll take a look at the impact these types of dysfunctional individuals have on people in the workplace. Until then, I’ll be praying for you!

After you have assessed the problem, it’s impact on you, and how to minimize the damage in the short-term, it is time to take a look at how to resolve the issue in the long-term. The best short-term strategies will eventually fail if the toxicity is so entrenched that it permeates the environment, or if the chaos is relentless. No tree can flourish if the forest floor is contaminated with poison. Once you’ve got some short-term relief in place for yourself, you can think a lot more clearly about what you want your next step to be. Ultimately, you’ll either be able to fix the problem itself to some degree, or you’ll need to find ways to survive it when it can’t be fixed. Setting a realistic goal is the key.

There are four options for fixing what is wrong: solve the problem in its entirety, influence the problem so that part of it is resolved, deal with the problem as it exists right now, or leave the situation because it is impossible to fix it in any kind of a timeframe that works for you. It is vitally important to take time to realistically assess the chances of each strategy being successful. It’s equally important to think through what the backlash of each strategy is likely to be. There are no guarantees, and only you can figure out what risks you are willing to take, and what costs you are willing to bear, in pursuit of a solution. You know the people, the system, and the issues better than anyone. Regaining your power starts with trusting your gut feelings and your thoughts about what might be effective.

Next week we’ll begin covering each of the four options in depth. Until then, know you are in my heart and stay strong!

We may never know or understand what motivates a person to get into criminal activity. It may be fear, peer pressure, financial issues, or family problems. It may be other reasons that are known only to the individual. What we do know is that sometimes, people who are making criminal choices are working alongside us. We can’t pretend this doesn’t happen just because it’s an uncomfortable topic for some people to think about. The impact of illegal behavior on a workplace can take a number of forms. People may steal from the company, gain access to confidential information and use it for personal gain, exploit customers, or even use their workplace as an operational outpost for their criminal enterprise. Even if people are engaged in criminal activity strictly outside of work, the effects of that entanglement can still greatly impact the environment. That’s why its a priority for employers to carry out the necessary checks (such as a people search) before even considering to employ these kinds of people, this way you may be able to catch them out beforehand as they would have had to legally note down any previous crimes or convictions. Although, this isn’t always the case, and people can start their criminal activity they step foot into the workplace, so you just have to be careful and keep them on record to ensure they’re not let back into the business again.

Signs can include sudden unexplained improvement in socioeconomic status, secretive behavior, bragging about their exploits, co-workers witnessing suspicious transactions, or association with questionable people. These people have zero interest in changing their behavior because they are profiting from it too much. All the advanced communication skills workshops in the world won’t help when dealing with this kind of issue. These individuals don’t honor the spirit or mission of a workplace, they corrode it. If they perceive someone as interfering with their activities, they can turn dangerous or even violent.

We are going to cover options for handling this kind of situation at a later date. For now it is simply important to understand that when someone is causing serious disruption to a workplace, criminal activity may be among the sources of the trouble.

Next week we’re going to deal with perhaps the most complicated category of trouble co-workers / leaders: drama stagers. Until then, be safe and stay strong!

My business has evolved into a part-time ministry. Which as it turns out, is what I really wanted all along. From little on up I’ve been teaching, encouraging, and leading others. Now, as I begin to approach 50, I am settling in to a happy new business model that finally makes me feel like I am fulfilling God’s call for my life. I have no greater priority. My family ranks a very close second, but God always has, and always must, come first.

I decided to shift the business model from teaching live workshops to essentially teaching online through the powerful platforms of FB, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTube, as well as my own website www.debhollandlcsw.com. I can have a far greater reach and impact online than go to I can in any other format.

My core message is workplace detoxification. Some of our workplaces are making us sick. Some are killing us. Enough is enough. It is the duty of every leader to ensure a healthy environment for their people. Leaders can’t do that unless they are healthy. So my daily teaching online, in whatever picture, post, or video it comes packaged in, invites people to think about their lives, their choices, their character and grow to a new level. To become a better version of themselves.

Employees need encouragement too. Too many of them are battered daily at work. They’ve tried everything they can think of to improve their situation, but nothing has helped. Yet. My job is to offer new strategies for going over, under, around, or through the logjam holding them back. My passion is to see people free and happy. Life is too short for anything less.