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/Deb Holland

About Deb Holland

I am passionate about leveraging strategic teaching tools to help people build lives of joy and victory!

Relationship Success: Conclusion

Welcome back!

Committing to action is the last step in building a healthy relationship, or turning a troubled one around. I’m proud of you for the hard work you’ve done so far working through this series. This is your opportunity to commit to taking the following actions, to improve life for you and the one you love:

How are you going to support your partner’s dreams?

How are you going to help ease their burdens?

What will you do to make the healthy changes your partner is requesting?

What protective boundaries are you personally responsible for maintaining around the relationship?

How are you going to make amends?

What are you going to do to build the emotional connection?

How are you planning to secure the future for the two of you?

Relationships are worth the work it takes to build, maintain, and grow them. I sincerely hope that this series helped you learn strategies for growing together in a new and better way with your partner. If you are the only one making changes, my heart goes out to you. Do your best to be as healthy as you can and relate to your partner in as healthy of a way as possible. If you are working on improving the relationship together, and you’ve made a decision to utilize these new tools, then you are well on your way to healing old hurts and opening up a whole new chapter in your love story.

Thank you for spending this time with me. I wish you the very best, in life, and in love. From my heart to yours, for always, Namaste!

By | March 24th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Relationship Success: Navigating Life Together

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The last area to map out is how you’re going to deal with life’s inevitable challenges. Even the strongest couples can be stressed to a breaking point if the events in their life overwhelm their coping resources. All couples need to build up their ability to weather any storm that comes. Learning how to provide for and protect the relationship are vital tasks for building a lifetime of success together. The following questions will address some ways to keep the external pressures on the relationship from tearing it apart.

How are you handling your finances to build security for your future together?

How are you emotionally investing in your partner as a person?

What efforts are you making to give your relationship enough time and attention to help it thrive?

How do you consciously cultivate the health of the relationship?

What boundaries do you have around the relationship to protect it from interference or intrusion?

What is your strategy for dealing with people who do not respect or support your relationship?

A major part of having a successful relationship is having the ability and the willingness to negotiate how to handle whatever life brings your way, then honoring those agreements. When you provide for and invest in your life together, you stockpile resources that can be used when life gets rough. When you put protections in place, you create a buffer zone around the relationship to help it withstand anything that arises. The two of you can find shelter and stay strongly connected inside that larger circle of a consciously chosen relationship.

Until next time, I’ll be praying for you to create a relationship compass to navigate whatever heavy weather conditions might come your way.

By | March 24th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Relationship Success: This One

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There are just a few more steps in building a rock solid foundation for your relationship. There are a lot of great relationship books out there, with many fine ideas about how to get along in general. But they fail to ask the one question that will make or break your relationship: how can you be successful with this partner? What each of us needs and wants in a relationship is an individual as we are. If we are listening, our partner is telling us how to be successful with them. When we pay attention and honor them, we have successful interactions. When we don’t, we have trouble. If our partner is making a reasonable request of us, based on healthy needs, then there probably isn’t a healthy reason for opposing or defying that request. Perhaps the details or the timing will need to be negotiated, but the request itself is not objectionable. The following questions will unlock the secret to being successful with the one special person you share your life with:

What is your partner asking you to do for them? What are your reasons for not doing those things? Are your reasons healthy?

What is your partner asking you to stop doing? What are your reasons for not stopping those things? Are those reasons healthy?

How does your partner reach out to you and ask for what they need? Are you recognizing those attempts? Are you connecting with your partner when they need you?

Are there any undercurrents that need to be cleared up between you? What’s your plan for bringing them up and working through them?

Is there any past history that needs to be cleaned up between you? Grab your mop and get to it, life is short!

Keep in mind that you don’t have to improve everything all at once. If you’re overwhelmed, start with one thing, work on it, and then move on to the next. When you make a significant change, your partner will notice right away. One good change on your part tends to elicit one good change from your partner. Once this healthy cycle begins, momentum builds, problems get genuinely resolved, and pretty soon there is a brand new excitement and happiness in the relationship again.

Until next time, I’ll be praying for you to approach your partner with a humble attitude and an open mind, and learn where they are really at and what they really need from you. Then together, you can come up with a plan that both of you can live with.

 

By | March 24th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Relationship Success: Society’s Model

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Now that we’ve talked about your personal history of relationship models, let’s talk for a minute about the general societal view of relationships. For a long time, the model has been one of two people largely maintaining their independence while sharing a part of their life together. It looks like a Venn diagram, with the only overlap being a small portion in the middle. The chronically high divorce rate shows that model allows only limited success. Even in today’s climate, couples are still getting a divorce during the COVID-19 pandemic. Now, that’s not easy, especially considering face-to-face contact should be limited as much as possible. However, I suppose it shows that the couple will do anything to be apart, so perhaps they really should be apart. There is no benefit to couples remaining in unhappy marriages. If they no longer feel that spark or enjoy being around each other anymore, they are just wasting time. Couples who are unhappy should consider getting in touch with a divorce attorney los angeles, for example, to try and end the marriage. This would then allow both people to move on with their lives, and find the perfect partner for them. Some marriages just don’t work, so it’s important to put yourself first if you’re unhappy. Divorces can be difficult, but they are often worthwhile for those who no longer love their partner.

Anyhow, I am proposing a new model of relationships. It is one in which both people get to be their full, authentic selves, within the larger context of the relationship. Picture the same Venn diagram, but this time it’s within one larger circle that represents the relationship as its own entity. There is plenty of room for both individuals, and their unique couplehood, within that larger circle. That’s my ideal relationship. That being said, every relationship is as unique as the two people who are in it, and what they create together.

With every relationship there are complications, this can be from the small to the pretty big. Unfortunately, divorce does follow in some cases, it isn’t pleasant and if children are involved it can cause issues in all aspects of their lives. If you can work your way through the bad times in relationships and come to a happy conclusion for you both, then great, but that doesn’t always happen. You may need to check out divorce lawyers like Peters and May, who work internationally in areas like london, England, as well as America, so you know that you are covered if you live internationally. Relationships are hard, but whatever happens, you need to be the best you that you can be.

What about you? Your partner? One of the most loving things you can do for each other is to craft – together – a real-time model for the next phase of your life together, or even for just the next year. So far you’ve taken a look at the models you grew up with, the traditional view, and a new view. Go grab a blank sheet of paper and some colored pens or pencils, and draw up the model both of you want and agree to. You have the freedom to decide what your model will be moving forward, and it can be meaningfully updated at any time.

Until next time, I’ll be praying for you to get creative, have fun, talk it all the way through, and come up with an agreed upon model that brings out the best in each of you and in the relationship.

By | March 24th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Relationship Success: Ghosts In The Night

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Whether we meant for it to or not, what others modeled for us about how to love has been ingrained in us from an early age. It’s helpful at least once in your life to take a look at what your early models of love taught you, so that you can decide for yourself as an adult whether or not you even agree with how others handled their relationships. If you are having problems in your relationship, it’s entirely possible that these early influences crept in stealthily like so many ghosts in the night, to sabotage the best of your intentions. Let’s figure out if that’s the case.

What did your family of origin teach or model about how relationships should be lived out day-to-day?

What did your church teach or model about relationships?

What about other influential adults in your life? How did they handle dating, marriage, dealing with conflict, and navigating life with their partner? Did they teach you about star sign compatibility and how that affects our relationships?

Now for the single most important question you can ever ask yourself about relationships: what were the outcomes of those beliefs? Did your family, church, or other influential adults have happy, healthy, thriving relationships? Or were the relationships a source of unhappiness for them and others? Did they eventually split up? Or did they stay together but were miserable for a lifetime?

Now for the hardest question you can ever ask yourself about relationships: what dynamics of other people’s relationships are you following? Do you want their results?

Until next time, I’ll be praying for you to recognize what has influenced you from the past, keep the parts you like, and evict the ghosts that you don’t.

By | March 24th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Relationship Success: As Unique As A Fingerprint

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Every relationship is as unique as a fingerprint. It is a living, breathing entity all its own. When you treat it as a sacred treasure, you maximize your chances of success. The examples of loving relationships we’ve seen in our lives greatly impact how we view relationships in general, and how we act in specific situations. The good news is that we can make healthier choices about how we define relationships, and how we practice loving within them. We’re going to take a look at how you function in your relationship, what model of marriage you’re following, and then you’ll have the opportunity to create your own model. You’re the grown-ups, you get to decide!

Here are some questions to guide you towards assessing what is going on in the relationship right now:

How do you show each other respect?

In what ways are you kind to each other?

What is the level of trust between you?

If there is a lack of trust, how can each of you heal? How can the trust within the relationship be rebuilt?

What are the connection points of the emotional bond you share?

How can your bond be strengthened?

Once you have a realistic picture of how things are going between you, it’s useful to take a quick look at how you arrived at that place. This is not a complete excavation of your childhood, just a look back at where your ideas about love originate from.

Until next time, I’ll be praying for you to uncover any cracks in the relationship foundation, and find ways to repair them.

By | March 24th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Relationship Success: Your Partner

Welcome back!

When you are in a relationship, your partner’s life must become as important to you as your own. Your partner is not there to serve you or to save you, they are there to share life with you. Is your relationship faltering because you’re not paying enough attention to your partner, or what’s important to them? You don’t expect to run a car without gas. You don’t expect to manage a bank account without money. Attention and affection are the fuel and the currency of your life together. You can’t have a successful relationship without them. Answer the following questions to find out how connected to your partner’s world that you are:

What are your partner’s dreams? What are you doing to help make them come true?

What are the biggest sources of stress that your partner currently has? What can you do to help ease them?

What are your partner’s greatest disappointments in life? What can you do to help soothe them?

Who are your partner’s biggest supporters? What positive role do they play?

What do you admire about your partner?

What does your partner do well?

What are you proud of your partner for?

If you can’t answer the questions above, then enjoy taking the time to get to know your partner in some new and important ways. Think about your partner’s positive traits, and what they do well. Form an integrated perspective about your partner, one that honors the good, recognizes the flawed, and includes a lot of hope for the power of the human spirit to grow and improve.

Until next time, I’ll be praying for you to take a thorough, honest, and courageous look at the role you’re playing in your partner’s life, and then make adjustments accordingly.

By | March 24th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Relationship Success: You

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Starting with yourself is the right place to begin in building or fixing your relationship. It doesn’t mean you have to take blame for things that aren’t your fault, or that you have to excuse bad behavior. It does mean that you honestly take a look at yourself and make sure your own choices are healthy. If you have areas that you need to improve, that’s ok. All you need to do is make the decision and get started. Here are some questions for reflection:

What types of activities do you participate in that help you grow and mature as a person, regardless of what relationship you are in?

What are you working on accomplishing with your life?

What are your priorities?

If you are battling addiction or others issues that by definition will severely limit any relationship you are in, what have you do so far to overcome them?

If you need to make amends to your partner for anything, what are some ideas you can think of that would be meaningful to them?

When you invest in yourself and strive to live to the best of your ability, there will be nothing holding you back from offering your best self to a partner. When both individuals are doing their best, they have an uncompromised opportunity to create the relationship of their dreams.

Until next time, I’ll be praying for you to take a thorough, honest, courageous look at yourself and create the self-development plan that serves you well.

By | March 24th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Relationship Success: Foundations & Stressors

Welcome back!

For the next several weeks, we are going to be covering the following topics in-depth. Once we’re done, you will have an excellent assessment of the current realities of your relationship, and how you can improve. Let’s begin!

There are four key areas that are foundational to building a successful relationship:

  1. You. If you do not make healthy choices about how you live or relate, your relationship cannot be healthy.
  2. Your partner. How well are you tending to, watching over, and supporting this one special person with whom you share your world?
  3. The relationship. It is a living, breathing entity all its own. It is bigger than just the two of you, and it has a major ripple impact on those around you.
  4. Navigating life together. Even if both of you are healthy, connected, and making your relationship a priority, life events will still happen and can throw things off track.

Additionally, there are three main sources of stress that can drive any relationship to the breaking point:

  1. Internal pressure generated by problems within one or both individuals. Dysfunctions that either one of you have automatically places great stress on the relationship.
  2. Internal pressure that builds up within the relationship itself. Even if both of you are reasonably healthy within yourselves, but you relate to each other in a dysfunctional way, that also causes major stress in the relationship.
  3. External pressure. This covers a full range of issues including job stress, other people meddling in your relationship, financial problems, and serious illness, to name just a few.

Until next time, I’ll be praying for you to contemplate the above and begin identifying what’s going wrong so we can work towards fixing it.

By | March 23rd, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Relationship Success Strategies: Introduction

Hello! Thank you for joining me for this series about how to create a happy, healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. My job is to give you the information. Your job is to apply what fits your situation. There is something for just about every couple in this series. If you are a new couple, congratulations! You’ve embarked on one of the grandest adventures this life has to offer. Whether you met by chance, are rekindling with an old flame or were told by something like this free psychic love reading online that you were about to find love, you’ve made it. You are about to start a wonderful stage in your life. Now you just need to keep it. This series will teach you ways to start strong and stay that way. If you’re a couple who is struggling right now, there are tools in this series that can help you genuinely resolve those issues. If you’re a couple on the brink of splitting up, this series is a life ring being tossed to you. Whatever situation you face, whether you are reading this on your own or with your partner, I’m glad you’re here!

Learning how to have a successful relationship is not a skill that is taught while we are in school. It’s no wonder we struggle with how to get along with each other, and how to make a life together. I created this series because I love to see people build successful, healthy, happy lives. Our relationship can be our greatest joy, our biggest burden, or a lot of things in between. Today you’re going to learn how to have a lot more joy and a lot less burden. Your partner does not necessarily have to buy into this at first in order for it to work. When you change, it automatically means your partner will have to change in response to you. The healthier you are, the healthier the relationship becomes. Helping your relationship evolve is a journey that’s well worth the effort.

Until next time, I’ll be praying for you to define your starting point and then get moving towards the relationship you want and need!

By | March 23rd, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments