Toxic workplaces are the worst. They bring your mood down and make you feel fed up with your job as soon as you arrive. And it can be hard to get out of a toxic workplace. Maybe your field of work doesn’t have many job offerings. Or maybe you want to be a writer but are still learning how to format a book and can’t quit to write full time yet. Or maybe you just don’t know where to go and feel stuck. No matter what your situation, you should always strive to make your workplace a better space.
Before we move on to figuring out how to minimize the impact, we need to take an honest look at whether or not we are contributing to making the problem worse. If we are impaired, have mental health issues we’re not addressing, are engaged in criminal activities, are drama stagers, or are simply immature, there is no question we must correct our own issues as part of the larger solution for the workplace. If that is your situation then you need to get help. Your workplace and your family will never be healthy or reach their potential if you have one of the issues listed above and aren’t doing anything to fix it. It is your responsibility to address and resolve those problems. But even for those of us who are already healthy and mature, it is important to make sure we are not inadvertently contributing to the problems in the work environment. Here are several key questions to ask ourselves:
- Am I reacting rather than responding to what is happening around me?
- Are there instances in which I take the bait and end up in a negative situation I didn’t instigate but didn’t walk away from either?
- Am I harboring any ill intent towards anyone at my workplace?
- Am I locked in battle with anyone at work?
- Have I tried to take revenge against anyone?
- Have I deliberately slacked off because I am upset?
One of the best things we can do is learn to respond rather than react. There are a lot of good resources out there for learning the skills for doing this, but the most basic and effective thing we can do is simply pause. Pausing buys us time to regain control of our emotions and our brain neurochemistry, and then we can think more clearly and decide how to handle the situation. We almost always have a better outcome if we stop and consider options first.
Another key aspect of not making problems worse is developing the ability to become an observer of the environment, rather than a victim within it. This means that you stay one step back to objectively see what is going on around you, rather than being right in the middle of the mess. This is a huge way to reclaim your own power rather than continuing to be at the mercy of people who do not have your best interest at heart. When you stay one step back, you can much more easily recognize people’s motives and the root causes of the problems. You’ll stop taking the bait when it is slung your way.
Another aspect of making sure you are part of the solution is not allowing yourself to harbor ill will, take revenge, or get locked into battle with anyone. These dynamics run in endless cycles and cause increasing damage along the way, especially to your own body, mind, and spirit. You already have to deal with enough stress hormones coursing through your body because of what is being done to you. Don’t compound that damage by willingly allowing those kinds of dark emotions and intentions to reside within you of your own accord. Acknowledge those feelings, then banish them and don’t act on them. Finally, don’t deliberately slack off, because all it does is hand your adversaries ammunition to use against you.
Regardless of whether the problems you are having at work are caused by others, are of your own making, or both, there are time tested options for getting effective help. Only you know what will work for you, what you can afford, what fits with your personality, and what will work for your life as it stands right now. If you try one method and it isn’t effective, that’s ok. Move on to another one until you find something that helps. Here are several resources that have helped other people just like yourself reclaim their lives and move forward:
- Counseling, especially EMDR for trauma
- 12 Step recovery groups
- Creating a wellness plan with your physician
- Talking with a pastor or priest
- Attending church
- Calling a suicide prevention hotline
- Finding a mentor
- Joining an accountability group
- Taking a vacation or a leave of absence
- Doing career testing to explore new directions you might like to go
- Taking excellent care of yourself in body, mind, and spirit
- Starting a new hobby or sport, or joining a gym
- Making time for what matters to you outside of work
Next time we’ll talk about an action plan to minimize the impact the work craziness is having on you. Until then, I’ll be praying for you!