We need to make an important distinction between acute, temporary issues and dysfunctional ways of dealing with life. Everyone has a stress threshold. We all have a point at which the situation we are facing exceeds our resources for coping with it. Someone facing difficult circumstances is not defined as a troubled individual. That is a stressed individual. People who are temporarily overwhelmed are typically not toxic. People with chronically entrenched maladaptive ways of navigating the world are almost always toxic. When you are trying to figure out what’s going on with someone, this is an incredibly important distinction to make.
There are many kinds of acute stress. Loss of a loved one, marital struggles, financial problems, health issues, and other unavoidable aspects of being human can weigh any of us down. Take a good look at the history of the individual, especially within the context you share with them. If they have always been respectful and professional, and suddenly they seem easily irritated and difficult to talk to, that’s a sign of an acute stress of some kind. It doesn’t matter if you ever know what the stressor is. What does matter is that you realize that you are dealing with someone who is temporarily overwhelmed. Reach out to them if that makes sense for you and just let them know you care. Then support them while they resolve their situation and return to their normal, dependable behavior. You can offer support in a number of ways, depending on the individual and your relationship with them. They may just need someone to talk to so that they can share their burdens, or they may need advice on things that could help with their stress, such as marijuana (in which case, you could show them https://www.canadacannabisdispensary.co/product-category/thc-e-juice/). Some people may not want your help at all, but knowing you care could be enough.
There is one category of troubled individual that is also not necessarily toxic. People struggling with mental health challenges may be otherwise well adjusted individuals. What’s important to identify is whether or not the person is having issues in just one area, or if their problematic behavior is pervasive across environments. The difference looks like this. Someone may have trouble communicating in situations at work that have an element of pressure to them. For example, a person may become uncharacteristically defensive if they are unexpectedly criticized or corrected in a meeting full of other people. In that situation, the person has been triggered to act in ways that don’t represent their norm. That behavior cannot be considered toxic. It is explainable, is causing an issue in just that one area, and can be handled effectively through coaching/mentoring.
Isolated situations in just one area are in sharp contrast to someone who is having the same problem in every aspect of their life. Take the scenario of the work meeting. The toxic person isn’t triggered to react unusually, they disrupt the meeting with the same defensiveness and aggression they normally display at work, at home, and out in the community. Their behavior is dysfunctional no matter who they are with or what setting they are in. Moderating and correcting their behavior requires professional treatment. Getting help requires self-awareness, which this type of individual often lacks. They think the problem is everyone else, and fail to see that they have the same type of issues everywhere they go.
Toxic people have behavior that is distinctly abnormal on an ongoing basis. Despite all the other people or outside circumstances they blame, their toxicity can be traced to what is wrong within them. These types of people are notorious for what is called projection. That means they literally pretend that the other person is doing the behavior that’s wrong, not them. This is a highly destructive mind game they deliberately play to cause damage to their targets. In the worst cases, the perpetrators act like they are the victims. They manipulate situations and perceptions to evade responsibility. They typically refuse to even acknowledge the reality of the situation. These types of individuals are not just dysfunctional, they are dangerous.
After you have taken a good look at whether or not the special situations of acute stress and/or mental health problems might be in play, there are four other categories of trouble that are invariably going to cause toxicity in the work environment. In these categories, the problem is also pervasive across environments and it doesn’t just disrupt a workplace, it can destroy it. The categories are: addiction, criminal activity, drama stagers, and immaturity. These issues are so important that we are going to take them one at a time in the weeks to come. Until then, be safe, be healthy, and be strong!
