Welcome back!
There are just a few more steps in building a rock solid foundation for your relationship. There are a lot of great relationship books out there, with many fine ideas about how to get along in general. But they fail to ask the one question that will make or break your relationship: how can you be successful with this partner? What each of us needs and wants in a relationship is an individual as we are. If we are listening, our partner is telling us how to be successful with them. When we pay attention and honor them, we have successful interactions. When we don’t, we have trouble. If our partner is making a reasonable request of us, based on healthy needs, then there probably isn’t a healthy reason for opposing or defying that request. Perhaps the details or the timing will need to be negotiated, but the request itself is not objectionable. The following questions will unlock the secret to being successful with the one special person you share your life with:
What is your partner asking you to do for them? What are your reasons for not doing those things? Are your reasons healthy?
What is your partner asking you to stop doing? What are your reasons for not stopping those things? Are those reasons healthy?
How does your partner reach out to you and ask for what they need? Are you recognizing those attempts? Are you connecting with your partner when they need you?
Are there any undercurrents that need to be cleared up between you? What’s your plan for bringing them up and working through them?
Is there any past history that needs to be cleaned up between you? Grab your mop and get to it, life is short!
Keep in mind that you don’t have to improve everything all at once. If you’re overwhelmed, start with one thing, work on it, and then move on to the next. When you make a significant change, your partner will notice right away. One good change on your part tends to elicit one good change from your partner. Once this healthy cycle begins, momentum builds, problems get genuinely resolved, and pretty soon there is a brand new excitement and happiness in the relationship again.
Until next time, I’ll be praying for you to approach your partner with a humble attitude and an open mind, and learn where they are really at and what they really need from you. Then together, you can come up with a plan that both of you can live with.
